NOW BOARDING

Yesterday was an hysterical historic day in St. George.  We got a brand new cutting edge tiny airport in St. George.  Several months ago a quartet I play in was asked to provide background music for a few hours.  We were asked to start playing at 2:15 so I picked up Jared at 1:30 and we started what is supposed to be a twenty minute drive.  As we took the brand new exit to the airport we encountered something we really hadn't planned; a traffic jam.  After driving for a half hour and only going about five miles, I started to panic.  I called Misty, the leader of our group, who had left quite a bit earlier that we had, and she was only a few miles ahead of us.  She had made a few calls and found out that even the dignitaries were stuck in traffic.  Oops.  It turns out that Dieter Ukdorf, who gave the dedicatory prayer, flew in so he was there, but the rest of St. George was on the southern parkway watching the poor Nellis Jets circle for about an hour waiting for the flyby that was postponed.  It was that moment that I decided that if the group responsible for this oversight was also in charge of air safety, I would continue to fly out of Vegas. 

After we had been in traffic for about an hour, I saw the police coming up behind me with a couple of black Tahoes following behind.  A police escort!  Yes.  I was getting ready to dart out and join them when Jared shrieked and said "NO!"  He scared the heck out of me so I missed my window to move.
"If you start following them you will be arrested." 
"They won't know that we aren't supposed to be in the group."  I argued.
"We're in a mini van."
Ouch.

We finally got up to the airport and the event staff was directing people to a parking lot a mile away.  I opened my window and told them that I was a musician and was supposed to be playing now.
"You were supposed to be playing an hour ago."  He said, and directed us to the front before I could curse at him. 

We got in and set up and were ready to play.  We started playing as soon as the ribbon cutting was over and the crush of people was milling through the facility checking things out.  I enjoy playing background music, but it is a strange experience.  It's almost like you are transformed into a zoo animal.  People come right up to you and talk like you can't hear them.  We have little kids poking us and the obligatory "guest conductor" who thinks it's funny to come up and start leading us.  Ha ha.  Now GIT.  It was absolute chaos and then everyone went in mass to another area.  There were some people sitting behind us and I heard one woman say. "They're like the musicians on the Titanic, they just keep playing when everyone leaves."
I turned around while I was still playing and shot her the death ray and she looked so embarrassed.  They quickly fled.  The second round of patrons came in next.  A couple of other people thought it would be fun to ask us questions while we were playing.  Just in case any of you are tempted to do this...don't.  It is almost impossible to count and talk at the same time and if you turn your head to acknowledge, you invariably loose your place in the music.  We even had people kneel in front of us and behind for pictures.  I felt like one of the giraffes.

It was fun though to be a part of it. We played until about six and then took some time to look around.  There is nothing as beautiful as the scenery out there.  The airport is about a half mile away from our old house and it was the reason we had to move in the first place, but after seeing the tiny airport, I figured it was ultimately worth it so all the tiny passengers can get away when they need to.  I spent most of my life living out in that area.  On the ride home the scenery was breathtaking. The colors were so beautiful as the sun set.  It was worth going out there for the view alone.  It was amazing to see it from a different perspective and for that I am grateful.

PRIDE GOETH...

Tonight was such a great night.  We took Emily to a stake meeting for all the little kids who are going to be baptized.  We got there a few minutes early and we able to sit back and people watch.  At some point I noticed a girl I had known since junior high.  She was known as my, well I don't know if it's referred to as arch rival or Nemesis, or arch Nemesis, but she was it.  You know the person at school who just drove you crazy.  Well I am older and more tolerant now.  I am sure after all these years I have moved on.
Of course she was in charge of the meeting.  She looked really really old and not at all the princess I remembered.  I felt good, sitting with my handsome husband and beautiful daughter and minimal wrinkles.  I was the queen...then it happened.  My phone went off.  Yes, folks.  We are the people whose phone goes off at church.  It wasn't the ringer, because I had set it to silent on the way in, it was the alarm we have that goes off every night at 7:00 to remind us to read our scriptures.  You know the alarm that goes on and on until you shut it off.  I couldn't find the phone.  I was fumbling around in horror trying to shut the darn thing off when my handsome husband stepped in. 
"You need to shut that off!"
No kidding.  I gave him the look.  So, not only was I humiliated in public, I was caught giving my husband the death ray in front of witnesses which included my bishop and his councilor who were sitting right in front of us.  I finally found it in the pocket of Emily's coat.  By that time everyone in the chapel was looking at the crazy lady frantically digging for the offensive item.  I will never scoff at that woman again.
I just thank heavens that I changed my ringer from "Crazy Train" by Ozzy Osborne. 

Then the ultimate insult.  After the meeting, the Nemesis in question came up to me and said, "Hello, Lou.  I didn't realize you were in our ward."

Lou?  Really?  Isn't it the job of your arch rival to at least get your name right?  I was thinking of getting back together with my minions at the lair to plan our revenge when I remembered something.  I am 44 years old and my daughter is being baptized in March.  Time to grow up. 

I believe that is one of the seven commandments.

AND THE OSCAR GOES TO...

And the nominees for best performance in a drama by a drama queen are:
 
Emily Heaton.

Mom:  Emily, please pick up all the clothes you left on the bathroom floor.

Emily:  Falls to the floor sobbing.  "I have to do everything!  I never get to play with my friends.  Everyone hates me."

Mom:  Makes an obscene gesture in her mind... and scene.


Emily Heaton.


Emily:  While eating dinner, coughs softly, checks to make sure everyone is watching, falls to the ground.  "I was choking!  No one helped me.  I could have died!!!"
And scene.

Emily Heaton.

Emily:  Stands gaping at the TV as an ASPCA commercial solicits funds to help save animals.  Starts to sob and runs to mom.
"Mom! you have to send them money or they are going to kill that dog!  I mean it.  Hurry!!!
And scene.


Emily Heaton.

Emily:  MOM!!!  You have to help me with my homework NOW or I will have to give Mrs. Pollock five tokens!  I think it is a coincidence that you don't help me.

Mom:   "Do you even know what coincidence means?"

Emily:  Sobbing, "No, because you wont help me with my homework."  Falls to the floor.
And Scene.

And the winner is?  Anyone who doesn't live here.  What a diva.

WHAM, BAM...

Thank you, Santa.  What a strange experience.  I started the season off with a bang.  Since my birthday is on the fifteenth of December, my family is forbidden from even thinking about Christmas until after my birthday.  This year, since we were in a new house and I was not working, I decided we would go all out and actually have the tree up before the 23rd.  I also was hell-bent on having Christmas lights up this year.  Jared spent several hours putting the lights up, he made sure they worked before he put them up, we went to turn them on, and...no switch.  Yes, there is a Christmas switch, but we couldn't find it.  I gave up.  But the lights were up.  Thanks Jared:)

I don't want to be a downer, but most years I dreaded Christmas.  It seemed like I never was able to do any shopping until a few days before Christmas. We would get a tree and it would sit there for a few days til one of the kids snapped and decorated it.   I would do a bunch of shopping and then I would have to stay up all night getting things ready, wake at the crack of dawn, open presents, sleep all day, and then go back to work.  It wasn't much fun.  Where was Jared during all this?  He has the same philosophy about wrapping presents that he does about making his bed.  Why bother.  One year I asked him to wrap the presents and I came home to a bunch of garbage bags stapled shut.  We just don't go there anymore.  This year was different.  Our family shopped and wrapped and sang Christmas songs all season.  We watched a bunch of Christmas movies and made candy for neighbor gifts.  It was the most wonderful time of the year.  Since Santa didn't have to come in at the last minute to do clean up, he was able to do some fun things like send the kids on a scavenger hunt and leave fun notes for everyone.  It was magical.  We were actually able to sit as a family and listen to the First Presidency Message.  We were able to read about the birth of Christ.  We were a normal family for a brief and beautiful moment. 

And then it was over. 

There is this unfortunate period of time I have discovered that is the week between Christmas and New Years.  I finally live in a neighborhood where my kids can play during this time, they all had new bikes.  Nothing could ruin it...but rain.  Yes, it rained here for five days straight.  It even snowed once or twice.  Yikes.  We don't do snow here. 

Our wonderful neighbors planned a New Years party and since Mary was going to babysit for about fourteen kids, we decided to have a kid party at our house.  As we cleaned up our house and put away the decorations, Mary made a discovery.  The Christmas switch.  I couldn't believe it!  We turned the lights on just in time for New Years. 

So here we are.  The kids went back to school today.  It was back to just me and Ringo hanging out.  Everything is put away and back to normal.  It may be over, but I will never forget my hands on Christmas.