EVIL CHIPMUNKS FROM HELL

OMG! So there is really no way to make this long story short so I may as well just launch.  My in laws have a beautiful summer retreat at Panguich Lake, about 80 miles away from St. George.  It is a wonderful escape from the 100 plus degree summers we endure.  It was my husband's first love, and is spoken of in our family with the same reverence as The Oak Ridge Boys and the gospel.   Almost every summer the family hosts a reunion with Jared's 80 billion cousins, so we started bringing up an RV to accommodate our family and to serve as an escape pod for me and my anti-social tendencies.  Each year it just took a little work to get things ready after the long winter.  Well, it's that time again and my good mother in law called to let me know that I had to go up early to clean the RV.  She had taken a peak in our motor home and had noticed that some furry visitors had spent some time there and it would take a lot of time to clean it.  It was not a job that could be done the day we drove up for the start of the reunion.  She said it was a huge mess and mentioned that the chipmunks had placed pine cones in the drawers.  Right...like they opened the drawers with their little tiny paws and put their treasures in with our hot chocolate.  I did not buy the story.

It is a well know fact that Alice and I have slightly different ideas about spring cleaning.  I assumed this was just a well intentioned/fear mongering way to motivate me to get things ready for the reunion.  So, we went along with it and decided to venture up and see all the so-called "devastation" for ourselves.  Besides, it would be nice to get away from the heat and piddle around changing sheets and dusting.  Seriously...how much trouble can a few chipmunks be?

AAAAARRRRGH!!!!!

We opened the door and walked in.  It was like isle 5 of Robert's Crafts had barfed all over our motor home.  There were leaves and sticks and...stuff everywhere!  I made my way to the cupboards and couldn't open them.  Those furry little freaks had jam packed every single drawer with pine cones.  Oops! someone didn't put the seat down in the bathroom last fall so we had a toilet full of pine cones.  They were everywhere. They had gnawed off part of the couch and made nests out of it.  Somewhere in the distance I could hear laughing.  It was Mike and Alice rolling on the floor as they heard my shrieks of horror with each new discovery.  Even the varmints were enjoying the show!  I could hear them up in the trees heckling me.  Nature sucks.

I had decided that our only option was to light the thing on fire and push it off a cliff.  Too bad they ATE ALL THE MATCHES.  Too bad I had promised my kids I would stop swearing.  Luckily my in-laws had quit laughing long enough to bring us a vac and Jared took the first shift of vacuuming up the endless supply of pine cones and debris.  Oh.  did I mention I had brought up a guest? Ya, I dragged my sister up with the promise of a relaxing weekend. Yes, this is the sister who uses a moist towelette to open doors and puts the mayonnaise away before you have a chance to make the sandwich.  I'm sure she wont mind a little hanta virus. 

It actually was going better than I thought it would.  We took a break and went down to have a wonderful lunch my mother in law had made for us.  Even in the wilderness, she provides a well balanced meal complete with a table cloth and centerpiece.  Things were going well.  It was a beautiful day, the sun was shining and a cool breeze was blowing.  My sister had put away her face mask and was enjoying lunch when my mother in law came up to her and pulled on her hair and said "Oh, its not a wig".  Mike was thinking that it was a wig."
What the hell?  I mean, where do you even go with that comment?  Sadly our happy break was over and we went back with our hanta masks and moist towelettes to clean. 

There are some things I never thought I would say, like "Oh good, its just a nest."  or  "did you get EVERY pine cone out of the toilet?" or "The squirrels are yelling at me.  After about five hours and a gallon of bleach, it was clean.  All the surfaces had been cleaned and sanitized and we had removed three garbage bags of pine cones.  Alice and my sister cleaned the windows.  We packed up and went home to the land of Internet and cell service and all was well in the land.  My sister just tends to spend a little more time looking in the mirror these days.  As for me and Alice?  I think it was a draw.