DO I LOOK LIKE A B@$&H?

Today started much like most of the other days started since I quit my job.  After listening to my husband gripe about money, I ventured into the kitchen and noticed that it was a mess... again.  I'm okay with that.  I made myself some oatmeal and got a coke and went back into my dark bedroom where I spend much of my time these days.  Some people call it depression, I call it Monday.  Anyway, after getting a call from my mother in law I felt a tad motivated to do something, so I went into my living room to start picking up.  My kids were watching tv so I couldn't really do much in that zone of hell, so I went to the laundry room. Oh, back up.  Why don't you have your kids help?  Really?  Ok, well another thing that I have discovored on this journey is that I can't deal with my kids.  I lack that certain skill set.  They do whatever they want, when every they want and I still let them go to their friends house and play so I can spend more time in my dark room.  So I went to use the utility room bathroom and it didn't flush...no fear I took off the top so I could fish around for the chain as I have been trained BECAUSE NOTHING EVER WORKS IN OUR FLIPPING HOUSE, only to find that there was no water in which to fish. 

boom...

Thats ok, I'm sure the gatekeeper can fix it.  So I continued on.  I went to start sweeping the clothes on the floor...what? you dont sweep your clothes? I started sweeping the clothes and GK came in and asked me why I was crying.  I hadn't noticed.  I told him about the toilet, to which he promptly replied, "Oh, I shut the water off to it because no one ever uses it."  And then came my favorite!  "I'm so sorry, that's my fault."  Ya, dumb a! It's your fault.  I of course didn't say that because that's something that someone with another skill set would say.  I wen't on sweeping and then for the third time this month...the broom broke in half.

BOOM!!!!

I have a skill set.  It's watching movies and quoting movies and watching more movies.  It was at this moment that I thought of one of my favorite movies Pulp Fiction and said to myself "What would Mr. Wallis do?"  Well, in the movie, he would call upon one of his "pipe hittin'...friends to get a blow torch and a pair of pliers" to take care of someone who had upset him, and "get medevil on yo a$$!" 

I guess that is what some would call an epiphany.  I marched outside and got the big trash can...ya, the one by the street, and brought it into the room of the primary offenders, those who had trashed their room, poked holes in the walls, writen in their closets...I started sweeping with my little tragic broom, and together we threw it all in the garbage can.  ALL OF IT!  The sad little doll that hasn't been played with since the Clinton administration, the endless piece of crap pictures and cut outs and crayons and barbie shoes and the...forks and plates?  What the hell?!  Anyway.  I got rid of all of it...most of it...I saw them  poking their heads from behind the barbie house, looking at me as if to say "you wouldn't dare!"  O I would, and I did.  I threw away the barbie orgy!  FREEDOM.

I had the gatekeeper take the garbage can back out to the street.  Then I took my final step into my new bad ass world and dumped the litter box on top of it.  It aint comin back! 

Oh darn.  My kids are crying.  I wonder why.  Better check it out}:)