HOBBIT CHIC

So...it's back to school time again and time to go shopping.  In preparation for this I got out all my ads together to stratigery..ize and come up with a good plan.  As I looked through each paper I came this conclusion.  It's apparently only back to school FOR HOOKERS!!!  What is with the clothes?  I don't know what goes on in other schools, but my kids wouldn't be able to wear half of this crap to school even if I let them.  Since when did a visible bra strap become couture?  I suppose I am a little bitter because I spent the morning looking at the models who's thighs are the same size as their ankles, but it is just not fair.  And while we are on the subject, what is the deal with "women's" clothes?  Just because you are not a junior does not mean you are 5 ft tall and round with a passion for floral prints.  It does not mean that you have lost your waist as well as your desire to look attractive.  In my opinion once you turn 40 there are 2 things you should cover,  your upper arms and your fanny.  The clothes in this group of ads manage to miss on both counts.  They have very short sleeves and are cut an inch below the waist.  I know this is meant to minimize the mid section. News flash: IT DOESN'T WORK!  Is the recession so bad that we can't add just a little more fabric to the length?  Here is an idea, why don't you take the yard of extra material from the mid section of the shirt and add it to the sleeves?! Or are we meant to pay for our snacking sins by having to wear the fashion equivalent of the scarlet letter?  Is it so much to ask to find something that is not from the Linda Ronstadt collection?  I think not.  I would go on but I just came across a section of something called "skinny jeans"  Go get me the big knife!

CHECK PLEASE!!!

Allow me to share with you the third world dining experience I had today.  We have been eating out a lot these days since we are in the process of moving.  Today after we had spent a good part of the day running errands, I decided to take the kids somewhere different for lunch.  Mission accomplished.  We ventured over to Hurricane City and decided to try a little Mexican restaurant we had passed many times over the years.  I pulled into the parking lot and noticed it was empty.  This should have been my first warning, but I missed it and we walked in the doors.  We were greeted with the worst smell I have ever smelled, (and I have been to the Great Salt Lake). Somebody light a match!!! Alex had dashed for the bathroom and some sad looking Latin boy had greeted us or I would have made a run for it, so we sat.  He passed us our menus and left, giving me a chance to shudder without making him feel badly.  This is when a normal mom would have taken her kids and left for Burger King, but no, I figured I could think my way out of this one.  I started looking at the menu for items I knew would have to be heated to a high enough temperature to kill whatever it was that I smelled walking in.  Luckily, Emily always gets mac-n-cheese, so she was safe.  Alex, Mary and I spun the wheel of intestinal distress and chose tacos.  We gave the menus back and I fished around my purse for a moist towelette left over from Daphne's stay. 

As we sat waiting for our food, while listening to a flurry of can openers working, I took a moment to take in the decor.  Ya...so I am not one to judge an others taste, after all, I lived in my home for 10 years and only bought one picture because Jared's shrink said he should have a picture of water, but I digress.  The establishment was decorated the with obligatory parrot in a swing, as well as chili peppers and the like, but then something went wrong.  There was a Chinese lantern as well as a lei on the fire extinguisher.   As I wiped down the salt and pepper shakers, I noticed they didn't match...anything.  No, wait!  That's not true.  All of the items in the restaurant had the same kind of greasy film on them, yet I stayed.  The waiter brought us our chips and salsa and offered us drinks. 

"We'll pass on the milk today, just water please."

I tried to think back to biology class and remember if jalapenos could kill bacteria.  I thought they did so I encouraged the kids to fill up. 

"Mommy?  Why are you laughing?
"Because your stories are so funny...go on."

The staff was obviously caught off guard by the crush of absent patrons so it took a while for our food to get there.  Soon the sad Latin boy returned with our order.

"Can I get you something else?"

Hmmmmmm.  So many things leaped to mind.  A broom perhaps?

"No, thank you"
'Mom, should we pray?"
"Ohhh ya."

The food looked surprisingly good.  I hesitated before putting the sour cream on my dish, but then again, sour cream is spoiled to begin with so I risked it.  I ordered a chicken taco, I got pelican or kangaroo, but it was ok.  Everyone seemed happy enough.  Mary politely ate her beans and rice but passed on the taco.  As the meal came to an end, another set of hapless creatures came in for lunch.  They seemed blissfully unaware of the rank stench that greeted them.  They appeared to be regulars.  Well, they aren't going to be regular for long.  I'm just sayin'

The sad Latin boy brought us the check and a box.  What an optimist.  We payed the check and went outside and exhaled.  I got into my car and noticed ours was the only one there with all the doors and bumpers the same color.   I felt so fancy.  As we pulled out of the parking lot, we were passed by another fancy car.  We all yelled to try to warn them, but they kept going. 

Aside from the occasional desire to scrape our tongues, we survived.  I am appalled that rather than hurt the feelings of the sad Latin boy, I subjected my kids to that place, but most of all, I am appalled that I have a little box of leftovers in the fridge.  Who is the opptimist now?