That Kid is kind of an A-hole

Well, I had written a post chronicling the mad adventure of my last move, but took it down because it was far too confusing. Bottom line, I live with my inlaws until September.  We have our niece and nephew staying with us, I think they are 6 and 3 respectively.  They have been a lot of fun.  It been great getting to know them.  They are a little loud and like to run around and are very busy.  I don't know when excatly I went from being a mom of small, busy, loud little kids to where I am now.   I really didn't realize it until the end of a ten hour shift when I remarked that everyone under 6 is an a hole.  Ya, I said that.  And in front of my mother in law who has loved and pretend enjoyed my children always.  I was tired, I had just gotten off work, I was teething.  Just choose your own excuse.  They hadn't really done anything that any other little kid would have done. They were just being a little rowdy.
There are those who say I lack a filter.  Ya know the thing that keeps you from saying something socialy wrong.  I think they are a-holes too. 

So I am living in an old west stand off:  Then hands off mom vs. Grandma.  I have kinda really enjoyed the experience.  I have watched her work like a ten year old litlle league kid would watch Pete Rose.  She is the master and I am her thorn in her side.  She only had 3 rules for me and Jared.  Make your bed, make sure all clothes go in the hampers and keep the bathroom clean.  This is where my Mom's rules differed.  She had one rule:  Make sure the house is clean and all the laundry is done and the windows are washed and the beds are made and everything else that I think of but don't actually tell you or show you how to do is done.   The kids have a chore chart, the simplest thing I have ever seen, and it rotates daily.  Breakfast and Dinner dishes are done right after dinner by whomever is assigned and that includes the kitchen.  Pick up upstairs and downstairs and wipe down upstairs bathroom and downstairs bathroom.   I have taught the children how to do all these things, I just have never been able to get them to do it.  "Ha," I thought, "this will never work.  Now she will see what I go through." There will be weeping and wailing and all that other stuff. 

I came into this whole set up late as I was in Salt Lake when the family moved.  So, the first night when dinner was done it was Alex's turn to clean.  She cleared her table then plopped in front of the tv.  Alice calmly, (this is the part that killed me) walked over and asked Alex to finish her chore.  Alex got up, worked unitl everyone else was visiting, then went back and plopped by the tv.  Alice immediately calmly asked Alex to finish her chore.  Alex got up and continued her job.  This is normally wherer i would snap and just finish it or let the disher rot, but Alice just kept re directing her til it was done.  I was amazed.  There was no crying, I was not cursing under my breath about having to do dishes after my long hard day, it was drama free chores.

Several days later when I had a day off I was fortunate enough to be party to the downstairs deep clean.  I thought I would help out since I was home.  At one point Alice told me she was going to run upstairs and i needed to pick up thirteen things before she got back.  "okay."  and I dutifly started looking for things.  The room was pretty cl...wait a minute!  That's my line and it's ten things!!  You're not pulling that business on me.  I wrote that business.  I am 10 years away from the senior breakfast at Denny's!  I will not pick up 13 things. Who do you think you are? Mary??  I waited for Alice to come back so I could hassle her but I got distracted by the challenge of finding thirteen things and I was worried Emily might be ahead, so I went on. 

I have a schedule.  I work for a few days then on my days off wander through the house picking up clothes until I have about 3 buckets and then I start the laundry process.  I sort them, put a load in, then get distracted.  About five hours later I remember I have something in the washer, I rewash it so it doesnt' smell then dry it and stick it in a bucket becuse usually I am onto something else.  The rest of the sorted clothes go back in the bucket until next laundry day.  On the days I actually need clothes,  I wake up and hour early to get my work clothes clean.  This is my schedule.  I'm so proud.  So the other day I was wandering around the house looking for the laundry to do and all the buckets were outside in a stack waiting to go to storage.  I went and found mary and asked her where the launry was.  "It's done."
"What does that mean?
"IT'S DONE!"
"But where is the rest of it"
"It's done"
"but what about all the socks?"
"They are matched and put away."
...so that's where they came from.
"but what about the socks with no match?"
"Gone."
"And the mending."
"Done. Where have you been?"
"Who did it?"
"We're done here."

There I sat, very alone and frightened.  I have had a pile of laundry in every home I have occupied.  It has followed us to 2 houses.  It was my friend. It was the thing that only I could conquer.  It was why they kept me around, or so I thought. 

"Mary, one more question? what am I supposed to do today?" 
"Whatever you want, I guess."

Wow.  I got out my violin and practiced for a while.  It's been a long time since I have had no hosework looming.  I wandered around the house and saw my calm little children reading and having fun and I had absolutely nothing about which to nag them.  That night after dinner, I watched as emily dutifully launched into her chores and finished them.  I was shocked.  It's been a month now and I follow my kids around and remind them about their chores.  No yelling, no guilt.  I feel like we have been attending rehab for housekeeping challenged people. 

I wan't my one month chip!

Mother of the year

I got a letter. 
It was from one of my children's schools and it was congratulating my child on being chosen for a special program at school where they can go early and work on any number of subjects; math, reading, social studies.  Lucky me.  I saw right through their clever wording.  This is the educational equivelant of being told you have a great personality or a sweet spirit.  But, who am I to deny my special child any additional help the school might have to offer.  Plus a bus would pick her up and she would leave an hour early.  Win win. 
The first day she was supposed to attend, we set out to meet the bus.  I didn't have a schedule or anything, but how hard would it be to find.  Note to school.  Parents of underacheiving students rarely get notes in a timely manner.  This would include instuctions on how to catch the bus.  I drove until I saw a cluster of cars milling around our street.  I saw one woman jump out of her car in the middle of the street to flag down a bus.  I knew this had to be one of my people.  After some instruction from the bus driver on the danger of stoping in the middle of a street with busses coming and going, the bus moved on without our kids.  I finally gave up and drove my child and a few stragglers she knew to school. 

Later that day we received a note indicating that our child would benifit from additional at home reading.  Withoug hesitation, Jared and I jumped in the car and went on our way...to Del Taco.  (It was Tuesday!)  After that we decided to go to the mall and check out the book store to see if there might be something we could use at home.   Like books.  We went to the childrens section and asked what might be a good choice for our child. 
"What level?"  He asked
Silence
"two? I said sheepishly."
"That's not a level"
"f''
"That's not a level either."
"Ya, I know, I said. I was just thingking aloud."
"What interests does your child have?

Since popcorn and sarcasm didn't seem appropriate I gave up and bought a couple of books that were shinney and moved on.

Jared and I found ourselves wandering around various sections of the bookstore.  I love going to the bookstore so I can harshly judge people and what kind of books they find interesting.  My husband always makes a b-line to the responsible type books on money and provident living and strenghtening himself spiritually.  I avoid those at all cost so I slyly hopped one isle over so I could watch people and mock them.  There were those on the diet book section who always ended up in the cook book section.  Mock Mock.  There were those sci fi guys who gravitate toward the how to get a date books.  Mock mock.  Eek.  I saw someone I knew so I ducked my head and pretended to be perusing the books where I was hiding.  As I fake perused, I started reading the titles of these books.  "How to be hot after hot flashes"  "How to drive him wild"  "Great sex after 50"  Sweet mother hubbard. Get me the heck out of here.  I grabbed my husband and we split.

We gave out the books and help as much as we can.  There seems to be improvement, but we continue to work together.

I remember having a similar problem with another one of my children.  We struggled and worked and I sometimes wondered if it helped at all.  The other day Alex came in with a certificate.  Congratulations Alexandra for being on the honor roll, or something to that effect.

"Well, Mom, what do you think?"
"I think they spelled Mary's name wrong"
silence
"ya, i was just kidding honey.  Awesome!" 
Dude, I did not see that one coming.  Perhaps all that work was paying off!  Could there be hope for my little reader with the sweet spirit? I guess we'll just have to see.